Isn’t it beautiful? It’s name is Peonny grey suede by steve madden. I believe I am going to buy it because it is calling to me. I cannot wait.

I am in Durham, NC and I did not know how ghetto this place was. At the same time I think it is nice to get out of my Blacksburg bubble. Coming to Duke, I caught up with Minah, a high school friend, and it was really good. We talked about where we were, what happened since we last saw each other and how people we knew were doing. Going to bed was interesting because this couch is definately not big enough for me, but surprisingly I had a really good night’s sleep. I woke up refreshed, but the dream I had troubled me. For one, it was vivid (I never really dream and I never really remember my dreams and the dreams are never really vivid). Two, in the dream a friend was having some kind of trouble with life. I haven’t talked to this girl in a long time, so it is a bit disconcerting. She doesn’t have facebook. She doesn’t have twitter. She doesn’t really do anything with technology. She does have an email account that’s her school’s and I don’t want to email her on that because it seems stalkerish. So I did the next best thing, I texted her. Now I’m just waiting for a reply because I texted her at 9 in the morning when she probably isn’t awake. I’m sure the dream was nothing and it would be good to hear from her.

I don’t think my stomach has a sense of time. It always gets hungry during the most inappropriate times, 30 minutes before my sleeping time pushing my sleeping time back an hour -______- (i love sleeping). Therefore I devised a plan where I brush my teeth way early. If I do that then I’m too lazy to brush my teeth again so I don’t eat. How is that for using laziness for my own gain?

I will never go to a Tech Thursday night game. I will have never really experience it. :[ Oh well… trading something for others.

For the paper and test that is today I started to “study” at 8 last night. For 30 minutes I studied, then I played GO STOP!  Then I decided I should write the paper, instead I played GO STOP! for an hour or so. Tired because I had stayed up the night before playing LIFE, I thought it best to go to bed and wake up early the next day. I woke up at 9, getting a good 7 hours of sleep. I studied for 30 minutes and then played GO STOP! Uh… I think I played more GO STOP! than I did study or work on my paper combined. FAIL. Plus this kid cussed me out because I owned his ass. ASShole.

As a general rule, I don’t think I look too good in bangs. But every year I always cut my hair and give myself bangs. I don’t know why. It might be because I want to look good in bangs and maybe this year something changed so that I will look good with bangs. Never true. Ah, one failure I seem to visit again and again and again.

I’m at the library because the time in between my first class and my last class is an hour long. I can’t go home because by the time i get there it will be time to come back to school. So like always I’m killing time at la bibliotheque. Every time I say that I’m killing time I wonder why you need to kill it. Why not just let is pass? It doesn’t really matter, but for some reason I would like an answer to this seemingly stupid question.

Thinking about killing time, that’s all I seem to be doing now a days. I don’t do anything special with it, I waste it so I never have to deal with it again. Lately I’ve been in a rut. Maybe a hole. I came into college not know what I was going to do with my life, but confident I was going to do one of three things-vet, biology, or psychology. Yeah, I don’t want to any of those three things. In fact, I have no idea what I’m going to do. Three years of college and I still have no idea what I’m going to do. If that doesn’t make you stop I don’t really know what will. If I could I would drop out of college (I’m not going to). I was talking about this with a friend, and she was talking about how people in Africa would kill, literally kill, to have the opportunity I have at this institution. Everything she was saying was true, but it didn’t help at all. Those aren’t the words I want to hear. I don’t know what I want to hear but those words that are coming out of your mouth aren’t it. When she said that it made me feel more helpless. Oh my f***ing the hole suddenly became a bottomless pit that I might not be able to get out of. I can understand the struggles of others, but why is my struggle seem impossible?

Life sucks!

I’m at the empo for the first time in a while. My relationship with this place is love, hate. I love the place because it’s not my room and I can actually get some studying done. But at the same time I’m not quite sure how much studying I do. Half the time I’m surfing the internet and all the while self conscious what I’m actually doing. The only reason I’m here is because the internet at home is just ridiculously slow. One thing that I’m learning in my new home is the fact that I really like silence while doing my work, but at the empo you don’t have that option because the people at the empo trying to get math help are talking around so I plug in my ipod, but then I tend to lose concentration because I’m listening to the music. I also don’t like the empo because of the lighting. All the computer screens and the florescent lights just do nothing for my complexion. I tend to just look sick. I’m suppose to be studying but I’m not. This is what I do at the empo. I always seems to find time to wordpress. I think my concentration is slim to none. (Oh dear, the girl next to me asked for help but the “helpers” don’t seem to know what they are doing. And now they’re are 3 of them trying to help her with a problem. Oh… here comes one more). How is someone to concentrate with all these people talking around you? (ahah a boy is staring at the commotion that has started next to me).

My semester is easy this year. Very chill, very laid back. I have a 4000 level lab class that I don’t really understand what we’re doing. It’s probably going to come bite me but right now everything is good. The only thing is I seem to have all this free time that I don’t exactly know what to do. I don’t have homework, I could be studying (but really?) or I could just chill. And that is what I do. I chill. I sit in my room and I chill. It’s amazing how much nothing I actually do. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even know what to do on the internet, I’ve started to randomly wiki stuff (if you’ve never done it, you should. You learn about some amazing crap). But as I sit here just chilling it all of a sudden becomes time for bed. What happened to the day? I get home, I sit, then bed time? (Yes I have a bed time because I can’t seem to function if I don’t go to bed before 12am). I’m not quite sure where this post is going so I’m going to end it HERE.

I was at work today and the girl was stapling the receipt to the returns policy and I noticed she was stapling it the wrong way. So just for the record there IS a specific way to staple things together. There is also a specific way to tape things. It really bothers me when these things are done incorrectly. Just thought you should know.